You Belong in the Room: Overcoming the 'Wrong Pot' Syndrome

There is a specific kind of silence that happens when you walk into a room and feel like you shouldn't be there.

Maybe it's a technical planning meeting where everyone seems to speak a language you're still learning. Maybe it's a networking event where everyone's career path looks like a straight arrow, and yours looks like a scribble. Maybe it's just sitting at your desk, looking at a codebase, wondering if today is the day everyone finds out you're guessing.

I know that silence. I've felt it in high-pressure kitchens, in cold-calling sales offices, and now, in engineering stand-ups. It's the whisper that says: You are in the wrong pot.

The other day, I talked about growing like a vine instead of climbing a ladder. But accepting the vine path doesn't automatically cure the fear of not belonging. In fact, being non-linear can make imposter syndrome louder. When you don't fit the traditional mold, it's easy to mistake your uniqueness for a deficiency.

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The Myth of the Perfect Fit

We often think belonging means finding a place where we fit perfectly without changing. We imagine there is a pre-cut hole in the world, and if we just sand down our edges enough, we'll snap into place.

But true belonging isn't about fitting into a mold; it's about bringing your whole self to the space and letting the space expand to accommodate you.

When I transitioned from sales to software engineering, I felt like I was leaving my "real" skills behind. I thought belonging in tech meant acting like I had only ever done tech. I hid my sales background. I minimized my time in kitchens. I tried to shrink myself to fit the stereotype of what an engineer "looks like."

But a plant doesn't shrink to fit the pot. If the roots get too tight, the pot breaks. That breaking isn't destruction; it's growth demanding space.

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Sales Taught Me This

Before I wrote code, I sold. In sales, you learn quickly that rejection isn't always about your worth; often, it's about fit. But more importantly, you learn that confidence is a practice, not a prerequisite.

I used to wait until I felt "qualified" to speak up in meetings. I waited until I knew 100% of the answer. But in sales, if you wait for certainty, you lose the deal. You learn to trust your preparation and your ability to handle the unknown.

Now I know that my perspective—shaped by those detours through sales and hospitality—is exactly what the room needs. When I explain a technical constraint to a product manager, I'm not just quoting documentation. I'm drawing on years of hearing customers say, "I don't understand why this doesn't work."

Your worth isn't defined by a degree or a linear timeline. It's defined by your willingness to cultivate your potential and share it.

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Shifting the Narrative

So, how do you quiet the voice that says you don't belong? Especially when your brain (like mine) is wired with ADHD or AuDHD to notice every discrepancy and fear every mistake?

Here are three ways I remind myself that I belong:

1. Acknowledge the Evidence: You are in the room. You were invited. You were hired. That is data. Trust it. Imposter syndrome is a feeling, not a fact.
2. Reframe the Detour: That "weird" experience you had five years ago? It's not a gap in your resume. It's a unique lens you bring to the table. I don't hide my past anymore; I use it as context.
3. Stop Waiting for Permission: As I wrote in my About page, the only thing standing in your way is the belief that you don't belong there. You do. No one is coming to tap you on the shoulder and declare you "ready."

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Closing: Expand the Room

Growth is rarely a straight line, and neither is belonging. Sometimes the soil is poor, and sometimes you realize you were planted in the wrong pot entirely. That's okay. You can be repotted. You can find new soil.

But if you are willing to put down roots and grow, you will find your place.

Don't shrink to fit the room. Let your growth expand the room. You belong here.

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🌱 Over to You: When was the last time you felt you didn't belong in a professional space or really any space? What helped you ground yourself? Share your experience in the comments—I read every one.